


Selfish

by 56VK13



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 07:03:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16192529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/56VK13/pseuds/56VK13
Summary: This is Kara and Lena after season 3. Kara is beating herself up about what happened. Sorry I'm bad at explaining things.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my first fic and I don't really know how to tag so I will try and add them in as I go. I hope you enjoy the story. If you want, you can chat with me on tumblr @gay-things-and-stuff .

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara has been beating herself up over how everything with lena played out and this is what is happening because of that. This story takes place 4 weeks after the last episode of season three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fyi, all of the dialouge between Kara and Alex in this chapter is in Kara's mind, she's thinking about what would probably happen if she was confronted by Alex. (Aaaannnd it's in bold)

Kara is sleeping when she hears a loud bang and multiple footsteps running through her apartment. She had just finished saving 200 people from a string of fires at 3 different buildings, which she suspects were arson. She knew she had things to do before crashing but she could barely make it back to her apartment after the day she'd had. Normally she'd feel fine, even after something bigger than the fires, but recently she's been exausted at all times of the day. Alex could tell and had previously asked her about it. Kara said it was just her body being tired after everything with Reign and that she would probably just need a while to relax again. At the time she believed those things to be true, but that was 4 weeks ago and if she were being honest, Kara was feeling worse than before. She had barley had an appetite and she couldn't really stand to be out longer than 4 hours of the day which was _very_ unusual For her.

She'd made a mental note to talk to Alex about it when she saw her again but Kara really didn't know when that would be. She could blame it on the fact that everyone was still trying to adjust to all of the new changes at the Deo (the disbanding of all weapons, Winn's move to the future , Brainy's move to the present, J'onn's departure and Alex's promotion to the new director of the Deo) but she hadn't seen any of the 'superfriends' since they saved the world and she hadn't seen Alex since the day all of these changes had happened. Kara wouldn't act like she didnt know what was causing this reclusive spell on her life but she wouldn't exactly shout it from the rooftops either. If somone (say Alex) were to ask her what was wrong she would say..... Well she would say something along the lines of.

 

**"Something's missing and it's my fault that it's gone" to which Alex would probably respond "did you lose your toothbrush again, Kara I keep telling you not to brush your teeth anywhere but your bathroom" Alex would then (most likely) see that that was not what Kara's seemingly scorching problem was _due to the pout on her face_ and say "Kar...What's going on, is something the matter, you know that you can talk to me about anything. You know that right?" Kara would look at Alex and proceed to look down at her now intreging fingernails. Alex would get the message that this explanation needed to be coaxed out of Kara and place a hand on her sisters knee. Kara would look at her sister's hand and then up at the ceiling taking a deep breath trying to fight back the tears that burend throughout her nerves creating a lump in her throught, failing to do so she would open her mouth countless times and at her final attempt to speak, let out a loud sob and let her head fall into her hands , her hair at the sides of her, covering her face. Alex would immideitly rush to scoot closer to her sister on the couch, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her into her chest. Kara would fall into the embrace and continue to let out loud sobs, sharp and shakey breaths and seemingly simultaneous tears, crying into her big sisters chest, Alex running her fingers through Kara's blond locks scratching her scalp and rubbing her back trying to give some form of comfort to her distraught younger sister. Kara wouldn't know how long she sat there crying but eventually she would fall asleep not having eating any of the takeout she and Alex had ordered. And when she would wake up, Alex still rubbing her back, she would take a shower and get ready for work opting to skip any sort of breakfasts and walking instead of flying to catco, leaving her sleeping sister on the couch in her apartment. Alex would text her later in the day and ask Kara if she would come over to Alex's to talk about what had happened and Kara would tell Alex that she was fine and just tired (which both she and her sister knew wasn't true). Alex would call Kara and Kara would send her straight to voicemail, texting her saying that she was busy and would talk later which was a string of lies. Kara was the exact opposite of busy for one, she would be in her office staring at her new lunch order, two bites taken out of it, playing with a pen until Snapper would yell for her so she could get back to reporting, and she would not call, nor text her worried sister back.**

Okay so maybe she would withhold the truth a little when asked but that scenario, though strikingly acurate to her life in the last four weeks (crying with no warning or explanation all though each time by herself, ordering but never touching her dinner, skipping breakfeats, sitting in her office again alone not having more than 3 bites of the lunch on her desk counting down each second until she could distract herself with work) was just that, a scenario so how could she even be sure that it would happen and she wouldn't just outright tell whoever was concerned that she.... That she had made a dire mistake and that she can never ammend any of the things she's done? The answer to that question is she could be sure because she can't even say (THINK!) It to herself. She can't bring herself to THINK the name making her sob loudly on the floor leaning against her bathroom door every other day.

Lena. Lena her best friend. Lena who she loved, or was supposed to love seeing as she was terrible to her, she had hurt her , she had hurt Lena, one thing she promised Lena and herself that she would absolutly never do. She had told lena that she would do the exact opposite of hurt her, that she would protect her, no matter what. Apparently Kara still needed to work on her english because the love she claimed to be unconditional had become selfish over something so-- so stupid. Ss-stupid it was. It was THOUGHTLESS. IDIOTIC, DUMB...It  was dumb It was so, so dumb.... How- how could she?

She had claimed to be different when all she really was was everything Lena had thought. Everything Lena had assumed. Had had to assume after all she had been through. And yet lena was still so good, always trying to help. Trying to help cancer patients, orphans, aliens ( despite what her family had done and what everyone seems to still outrageously thinks she will do ) and Sam. Lena was trying to Help sam. Not hurt Kara. Not hurt anyone.

All Kara wishes was that she could go back in time again and say thank you to her. Thank you for being the one person who understood and saw her for her, who always helped and who saved the world, two times.

But of course she can't. Because Lena is strong, so strong and she doesn't need Kara, or her Thank you's and I'm sorry's. Kara doesn't need them either. She needs to give them to Lena. But again, that would be selfish and this is her punishment. She would gladly take this and more if it means that Lena is okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a huge dream sequence in this chapter. (Which is in bold) Yet another symptom of Kara's regrets; nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha! I figured out how to change the number of chapters it says but tbh i'm not sure how many chapters it will take to finish this story. I'm thinking about 10 or 11 but I want to be sure before I put it up there.

As It turns out, Kara had a lot more things to do before before she crashed, because that loud bang she heard (but made no attempt to do anything about), was the Deo's Alpha team fully armored and set with the new tech the they had developed. Though Kara could hear the bang, she was still very Much asleep and when Alpha team reached her she was crying, as well as screaming and thrashing on her bed. Yet another another development of the last 4 weeks, crippling nightmares. Kara has been having one reoccurring 'dream'.

 

**it's dark but way too bright at the same time. There's absolutely no sound which is somewhat peaceful to Kara because she alwyas hears something. But then she realizes that there is no sound.  No cars, no city and no heartbeats. Not a single person. She tries to figure out why It's both dark and bright. She then opens her eyes for half a second only to close them because of an excruciating burn.**

**There's a scent. She knows it, she's sure, she must have smelled it hundreds of times by now saving the city that seems to be quieter than possible at the moment. She realizes that what she's smelling is smoke, she opens her eyes again but slowly. The burn in her eyes has now dulled down to a sting but it's still highly uncomfortable. She blinks a few times trying to decloud her vision, until she can see exactly what's burning. When she realizes it she let's out a whimper. Everything.**

**Everyting she has known since she was thirteen years old is burning. On fire and smoking. She reacts as quickly as possible trying to put out the fires with wind from superspeed and her freezebreath. Whatever she can muster really but when she's started to get tired and none of her efforts seem to be working. She decides to try and find help instead of solar flaring from the pointless exertion of energy trying to put out a burning world by herself. Then she rememberes, there's no sound.**

**No cars, no city, no heartbeats. "NO" She says, no its not possible "how?". She trys again to find any sound. She breaths deeply despite the overwhelming smoke. She counts. No cars. No city. No heartbeats.... "No people".**

**She flies not exactly sure where she's going until she lands on a boulcany, half of which is rubble. She's at the Deo. "Alex" she says her voice trembeling barley a whisper. She then flies to the only other two places Alex could be at a time like this even though she knows the only heartbeat she hears is her own n. Her apartment, Alex is not there. She flies to Midvale in hopes that Alex is with Eliza and that she's just having a hard time focusing her senses and that the Deo has evacuated the earth (minus her) for some reason.**

**When she reaches the Danvers household, along with more than half of their neighborhood, it is completely burned down. Kara tries not to panic, I mean who knows right, mabye the deo did evacuate the earth without her, seeing the state that It's in at the moment that would make sense. But then where is Kal? He is earths champion too even though he doesn't like to say it since technically Kara is stronger than him. Mabye superman went with the people of earth to keep them safe. Where would they go?**

**She doubts that they weren't prepared for this exact situation (even though she's not too clear on what it is) but unless they grabbed a very large amount of yellow sun grenades they would still have to be in the orbit of earth's sun for Kal to be of any help. "Okay" she says deciding that this is all happening for a reason and that her job right now is to find the source of and put out the fires currently engulfing the earth. She flies, circleing the globe assessing the damage and determines that the cause of the fire is not natural, she then flies back to national city and to the top of the tallest building there, L-Corp. "Lena" she says quickly forgetting the plan she had just started to set up in her mind. Finding it harder and harder to breath as her worry for the youngest Luthor spirals. Kara flies high into the sky and starts looking around until she recognizes a pattern of smoke that indicates the hottest part of a fire. She drops, not flies. Drops, down to the apparent source of the fires and is startled so see laser eyes. That's not possible the only Kryptonian, Rao the only person, on this planet right now is her.**

**Not Kal-El, Non is gone, Astra is dead. The surviving Kryptonians are all two and a half galaxies away on what's left of Argo city, she's sure of it. She walks closer for a better look of what's destroying the earth, only to see a suit that is almost identical to hers (the only thing different being rips and tears on the other persons 'replica') that's what it has to be right? A replica, because It's not like that suit is hers, she's wearing her suit, she even looks down to make sure and she is. She then sees that the copycat has blonde hair, smoke dirty but tan skin, and is holding somone in the cape of their replica of Kara's suit. Someone who Kara recognizes instantly.**

**"That's Lena", Kara says to herself before shouting "Hey what are you doing with her?!" Kara asks, tone demanding and aggressive. The copy cat is screaming, roaring almost while simultaneously shooting lasers from their eyes so It's no wonder why they don't hear Kara. Kara speeds closer and trys to grab Lena and fly away. Just as Kara has Lena in her hands and is about to launch into the sky the copy cat grabs kara by the cape wrapped around Lena and pulls it  down. Kara is startled to say the least but gets the chance to look at the copycat. And its her.**

**The suit belongs to her but It also belongs to the other person wearing It, just as the suit she's wearing is the 'not so much copy cat's'. Kara can tell right off the bat that this isn't a Bizarro situation. For some reason, somehow the person who set the world on fire and was holding Lena while doing so was her. Without a second thought Kara takes off her cape, wraps Lena in it and sets her down far away from the copycat or not really she guesses, far away from herself. She looks Lena up and down knowing that her heart isn't beating and that she's not breathing but noticing that there seems to be no reason why. No internal injuries and absolutely none external.**

**Lena looks just as beautiful as ever. Kara thinks to herself. She looks back at the copycat who was just as startled as her judging by the crinkle. She gives Lena a once over before standing from her crouching position and superspeeding to herself. "What did you do to Lena?"She asks.**

**Before she can wait for an answer the copycat is punching her sending her flying back into a burning building. She stands up quickly now ready for a fight. She throws punch after punch, just now realizing that Lena was dead. And she was the only one who could've killed her. Well the copycat but there's really no difference, so instead of thinking any further about her actions she punches harder. Her copycat hitting just as hard.**

**They're making marks on each other but they are the same and this fight is pointless, Kara knows that, but when it came to Lena Kara's alwyas had a hard time controlling her temper. Like when Lena was kidnapped by Cadmus and no one believed she was innocent. Kara nearly destroyed the Deo trying to find anything that wasn't alive to punch. This time copycat Kara was the one talking, except she wasn't asking questions "YOU KILLED HER THIS WAS YOU, YOU DID THIS SHE'S DEAD AND YOU KILLED HER IT WAS YOU!" at those words Kara stopped right as she was about to deliver a punch. Then suddenly her opponent was gone, there was no other her. She looked down and her whole body seemed to be be brused and bloody, her suit ripped and torn in the same spots as the no longer here copycat's.**

**She looked back up and she was kneeling on the floor. It was then that Kara realized that the world was no longer burning. Every person She's ever saved standing around her terrified. She looked at J'onn, Eliza and Alex all looking at her sorrowfull, guilty and dissapointed. Her mother and father, Aunt Astra even Kal-El and his parents. The first people she'd ever saved, a woman and her daughter were in front of her pointing behind her, everyone around her looked back and as she turned they all faded away into white walls.**

**As soon as she saw what The people previously in front of her were pointing at she was there in a second already crying, sobbing and shaking. Screaming louder than felt physically possible even though she heard nothing. There in front of her was Lena on a shiny white, emerald green glowing slab. Not yet dead but life clearly draining from her. Clutching tightly onto Kara's Glasses. Kara was all over her, touching and trying to somehow grasp her back to life.**

**Lena's eyes shot open and Kara's hands were on her cheeks so fast it look like she hadn't even moved. "Kara". Lena said, voice audibly tired. Kara tried to speak but no words came out. Lena moved her hand to Kara's on her cheek. "Kara" Lena tried again. "Yes" Kara quickly chocked out voice wet with tears "oh Rao Lena-Lee I'm so sorry, Lena" Kara said sniffing.**

**Lena smiled, one of those award winning type's only ever directed at one, Kara Danvers. Kara let her head fall onto Lena's chest and Lena's hand moved to Kara's head. "I-ILove-you, Kara" Lena said. Kara sobbed "No no Lena stop you don't-you don't have to say that stop Lee oh Rao" Kara said looking into Lena's half hooded, tired but shining and ever so loving eyes. "Lena i- ii love you, so don't, I love you I'm so sorry this is-me-this is my fault I love you I love you Lena what happened Lee oh what happened Lena" Kara said as Lena's eyes started to close. Kara rushed into action picking Lena up off of the table, standing and turning around seeing that everyone was back.**

**Kara rushed to Alex begging her for help. "Alex-Alex I don't know what's wrong she's dying please help her Alex please I love her Alex I cant-I can't lose her Alex". Alex only responded by pointing up at a building. Kara looked up at it seeing that she was on a giant screen in her normal clothes, suit underneath, the El-Mayorah symbol showing through her unbuttoned shirt. She turned back to see no one standing where Alex and the rest of her family were. She looked at Lena in her arms, brushed raven hair out of a pale, pink flushed face and said "Don't worry Lee I'm gonna fix it I will fix it I promise I promise you".**

**She was about to jump up when she felt a hand on her shoulder she turned to see Kal-El saying "Kara no your identity". Kara immideitly responded saying "WHO GIVES A DAMN ABOUT MY IDENTITY SHE'S DYING LET ME GO, NOW CLARK!" Then, he did. she jumped up, flew to the hospital, empty, she flew to the fortress of solitude or at least where it used to be because it was gone. She then flew to the Deo and into the medbay she set Lena down on a bed and people began working on her. Kara could tell she was getting better, her heartbeat stronger.**

**Then just as the nurses and doctors were leaving Lena so Kara could sit with her to recover, Mon-El showed up. Kara didn't even notice he was there until he started touching things on the machine connected to Lena, she stood up immideatly, telling him to get out. Mon-El looked at her confused saying "Why, Kara she's not worth it she's a-" Kara allready knew what he was going to say and before he could finish Kara wrapped her hand around his neck not applying any pressure but just picking him up off the ground, her left hand still holding Lena's. She started to squeeze and he squirmed. Her eyes glowing red she said "Do you know who's not worth it, you."**

**Kara squeezed tighter, and threw him across the room "Get. out ....NOW" she said sitting back down and caressing Lena's cheek. Kara touched her and her cheek started to grow glowing green veins, and Lena seemed to wince in pain. Kara pulled back astounded, she looked Down at Lena's tightening hand around her own, veins growing green again and moving up her arm Kara jumped back as Lena started screaming. Kara screamed for a nurse, a doctor, anyone, but no one came, she tried to exit the room to go look for help and the door disappeared. She looked back at Lena and suddenly she was outside of the room unable to get in, she was banging and screaming as Lena urged out Kara's name in pain. "LENA! I- I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING I CAN'T GET IN LENA HOLD ON" Lena screamed and sobbed, "KARA PLEASE HELP IT HURTS IT HURTS SO MUCH KARA. AAHH!". "LENA" Kara called out as Lena stopped moving, stopped screaming, body covered in green.**

**The door finally unlocked but instead of twisting the handle she just walked through. She was at Lena's side immediately taking her off of the bed and into her arms on the floor, The green lines fading away. "Lena? Lena no please oh please  Lena no Nooo! LEE "Kara said her words turning into rough screams. "LEE LEE NO LENAAA!" "PLEASE PLEASE COME BACK TO ME..... Lena" her voice a whisper Kara said "please Lena, don't leave, please no Lena please ......Lena... Lena" Kara got quiet not saying anything, just holding Lena close to her and silently crying. Then, suddenly Alex, J'onn and Eliza were coming Into the room trying to pull Kara away from her. "No, No I don't want to leave her not yet No NO-NO I WON'T I WON'T LEAVE HER I WONT-NO" Kara's eyes lit up and she shot lasers around the room leaving nothing but fire around her and Lena, both of their clothes burned off, all that was left was her suit.**

**She quickly wrapped her cape around Lena and looked around her. In the middle of nowhere, fire all around her she looked up into the sky, eyes once again turning red, she screamed and shot everything she had up into the air, a roar ripping It's way out of her chest.**

Finally, she woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is nice. I like it. Anyways please comment any thoughts you have on the story so far or anything like that. I kinda crave attention a lil' bit lol.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex confronts Kara about how she's been acting and has a revelation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so now that Ao3 is caught up with my Tumblr I should say that I am going to be posting a chapter every week on no specific day. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the chapter.

When Kara had finished putting out the three fires set in the city, she told the Deo that she was going to call it a day and head back home for the night. The leader of the apparent arson investigation gave her the ' ok ' to do so, turned off the audio for her comm and began to further investigate the fires. Shortly after, the Deo had gotten an alert from Kara's comm saying that her heart beat was erratic. When they tapped back into the audio, they could hear screams and sharp, broken breaths. Alex immideitly sent the Alpha team to Kara's apartment. The Alpha team was made up of the most specialized agents in the Deo. Which Alex would normally be a part of, but she had to stay at the Deo unless they were sure a situation was urgent enough for her to be called out now that she was the Director.

When the Alpha team arrived at Kara's apartment, her door was unlocked (even though every one keeps telling Kara not to keep it that way) but they didn't check. They instead, used a battering ram, and broke in the door.

They rushed inside and spread out, trying to find any enemies, but they instead, found a distressed Kara, still in her suit (cape, boots and all), laying in bed, still asleep, but mumbling in between sobs and screams of "NO!" And "COME BACK, please Lee!", as well as pleads of "I love you" and "don't leave me Lena".  Fearing that this could be something like the black mercy, they contacted Alex and the rest of the Deo before taking action.

Alex asked them questions about Kara's state besides the normal symptoms of a nightmare, and when they gave her enough information to determime that Kara was having a night 'terror', Alex thought. ' A night terror, Kara is just having a night terror ',  she let out a sigh of relief but then realized. ' Kara is having a night terror! Why would SHE be having a NIGHT TERROR? '

She quickly told the Alpha team to wake her. Then, fearing that Kara  would try and make excuses for why she was in this position (as she has been for the past 4 weeks), she told them to wait until she got there to leave, and under no circumstances speak to Kara when she was pouting and/or making puppy dog eyes at them.

(Knowing just how persuasive a pouting puppy Kara could be), They did as they were told. Kara stressed that she was fine, and was just having a nightmare. "Guys I'm fine I swear, I just need to shower, and change out of my suit into more comfortable clothes to relax, tell Alex that she doesn't have to come, and to let you leave", they told Kara's Exact words to Alex more than once but she didn't budge.

Kara kept trying to convince and coarce them to leave until Alex finally got there and told them to go back to the Deo and tell everyone that everything was fine.

"Alex I don't see what the point of all that was, I'm fine, I forgot to take out my comm before going to sleep when I got back, I mean I didn't even change out of my suit". Kara gestured to her suit giving a clearly broken and weary smile, trying to convince her sister to leave. Able to tell that her attempts were not working because of Alex's crossed arms and standing, 'ready to argue and win' stance, Kara stood putting her hands in front of her, and said. "Alex I'm fine, I'm okay, I just need--" and before Kara could finish her next excuse, Alex was screaming. "NO, you're not Kara!"  
"You're not fine, you keep saying that but you're not!" Taking a breath Alex pointed to the seat behind Kara and ordered, "Sit".

Kara did as she was told. Sitting down and fiddling with her hands. Alex sat down on the couch across from Kara, slowly saying. "Kara why won't you tell me what's wrong? You've been doging me for weeks, making excuses for not being able to text me and never answering my calls I-, I'm just worried about you Kar". The concern in her sister's voice was all too clear but  Kara was still unwilling to speak for fear of telling the truth. so she stayed quiet, head down and silently willing her sister to continue. Alex got the message and kept going. "Kara, they told me what you were saying, when you were asleep". That peaqued Kara's interest but she fought the urge to look up at Alex and attempt to explain herself with broken excuses. Knowing that Alex wouldn't buy them and accept that Kara wasn't going to talk, at least not this time.

Alex, surprisingly enough, said absolutly nothing after she told Kara that she had known what, or really who she was dreaming about. Kara was terrified of what was to come next, and even more so when nothing did.

They sat there, across from each other, in silence. Until finally Kara broke, standing up and turning away from Alex who was now trying to make eye contact with her. Her head still facing the floor, Kara said "Alex, I don't- I don't want to talk about it". "At least not right now, I'm tired okay so just, just let me take a shower and  go to sleep".

Alex scoffed "you're tired" She laughed bitterly. "Okay. Okay yeah, sure Kar, take your shower and go back to sleep and starve yourself for another four weeks until you forget to turn off your comm again and I hear you screaming like your being stabbed to death-".

Kara turns and looks Alex in the eye as she hears Alex's voice waver at her last word, and sees a single tear run down her cheek. Alex holds her stare for a second before breaking it to stand, wiping her cheek and sniffing, walking twords the kitchen island. "Kara I don't know what's wrong because you won't tell me, but I can see, that it is tearing you apart". Another three tears run down her cheeks and she wipes them lazily.  
"I know" she pauses, looking Kara back in the eye, "I know that it has something to do with Lena".

"Don't." Kara says quickly, voice quiet yet commanding "Don't say her name, or bring her up we-" she paused looking away from, and putting a hand up as if to stop Alex from cutting in and to steady herself. "She and I we don't talk...anymore".

Alex just stands, if shes startled at all by Kara's 'confession' she doesn't show it. Kara wipes her face with both hands, taking a deep breath, and turns back towards her bathroom, saying "I need to shower, stay or leave I don't care". She walks to the bathroom, slowly, too tired, or more exausted to use her super speed.

Alex stands in place until she hears Kara turn on the shower and then walks outside to order some food, knowing that Kara won't eat more than one Potsticker or bite of pizza which is way, way less than her normal amount of food and even less than the normal amount humans eat.

It's been like that, since they saved the world from Reign, that and the downright unhealthy amount of sleep Kara has been getting. Alex understood that Kara needed to rest after her battle with reign but she's not resting, she's drowning. Drowning in sleep and work, and running on no more than maybe 5 hours of sunlight a day at that. Alex hates to even think about it but Kara is acting like she was when Mon-El had to leave earth, (in that she's shutting everyone and everything out). Though this time it's much more drastic seeing as now she's not even focusing all of her energies into one thing. Before, Kara was only thinking about being Supergirl and protecting the earth, not wanting to do anything that might lead her to have to make any sacrifices and hurt her in the process but now, now she was surviving on the bare necessity's of every part of her life.

She won't eat, she won't go out (unless it's for her supergirl duties or she has absolutely no other option but to do things for catco as not to get fired by snapper for the thousandth time). All she does is sleep, she won't talk to anyone and she makes up very clearly excuses as to why.

Alex is starting to think.... Well she's starting to think that Kara is depressed. Which is insane, she can't be. Happy go lucky Kara 'Sunny' Danvers depressed, no way. It's not like she could have a chemical imbalance in her brain, she's kryptonian, and Alex can't think of what would upset her so much that even earth's yellow sun wouldn't be enough to balance her out. Before she was upset not depressed, and that was about losing someone that she cared about. She had lost Mon-El, but it wasn't specifically about him, sure she loved him but she the whole reason she became like that was because he was yet another thing she'd lost, another thing she had sacrificed. The same thing had happened when Astra died, though not as strong a feeling, Alex was sure Kara was in the same state of... Okay so Kara was in a state of depression. 

Alex determined that this was just something that happened whenever Kara lost someone. And each person she loses adds on to the depressive state that Kara goes into. But who had she lost this time. Kara was the worst Alex had ever seen her but she hasn't lost anyone. J'onn left to follow in his father's footsteps but he's not gone, not in any way, in fact he stressed that he would be back and that if they needed him sooner, to call and he'd be there. It can't be Mon-El again, Kara had made peace with him and every thing that came with him when he returned. But what about what left with him?

Winn was her best friend at one point, and Alex knows that they meant a lot to each other. She knows that Kara was sad about him leaving but Winn wouldn't have this much of an impact on her.

When Alex gets off of the phone with the pizza place she's ordering from she walks back inside to no Kara and the sound of running water still in the silent apartment. Alex walks over to the couch and sits, looking at the tv on silent while the news plays. Alex has just started to look away when a familiar name pops up on the screen. Her head jerks back to the tv and then it hits her. The tv reads,

" Lena Luthor CEO of 'L-Corp' previously known as 'Luthor Corp' and run by her notorious brother, Lex (Alexander) Luthor, has just released a new device that will- "

Alex stops paying attention when she hears the water stop. She quickly changes the channel, turns the tv up from mute by 3 clicks and throws the remote to her left before biting down in her thumb nail and looking straight ahead blankley, staring at nothing, mind clouded with realization and deep in thought. 'Lena Luthor', she thinks, Kara was having a night terror about her, she was screaming her name and sobbing 'please Lena don't leave me' 'I love you Lee please come back'. And Alex feels dumb for not realizing it sooner. Kara did lose somone after all,  apparently she lost her new best friend. She had lost Lena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, please comment I would love to see what you think of the story so far and to just interact with you. You can also chat with me on Tumblr @gay-things-and-stuff if you want :) thanks for reading.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena finally interact foreal in this one. Yay!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Posting late on my first week, off to a great start! But seriously, don't hold me to this forever, I just had alot to do today and it slipped my mind, but I'll learn from this mistake of not prioritizing better. Anyways I hope you like this chapter, it leaves off on a bit of a cliffhanger but It's not hard to know what the outcome of the next chapter is.

When Alex realised that Lena was the person who was causing her baby sister all of the distress she was in, she was both furious and confused. She couldn't understand how Lena could hurt Kara so much, she knew that Kara was upset about the fact that Lena had made kryptonite but she shouldn't be this hurt about something that was long over. That and Lena only made it in the first place to help, most likely knowing the damage it could do to her reputation but doing it anyway for Sam's sake. 

As Kara walked out of her bedroom she was in her usual sleepwear, her silk, short sleve button up and sleep shorts. She walked into the Kitchen not looking at Alex. She poured herself a glass of water and walked back into her bedroom, still saying nothing to Alex. Kara set the glass down on her bedside table and then stood at the foot of her bed, seemingly contemplateing something. She clenched her hands into fists twice and then breathed out a sigh. She turned around with her head down and sat close beside Alex, laying her head on her sisters shoulder. Alex turned her head to see a frowning Kara, looking at the tv. 

Alex then said, "Kara I get the feeling that you don't want to talk.... And-And I'm okay with that for now but you need to tell me what's got you like this some time, maybe sooner rather than later though, okay?" Kara breathed through her nose and layed deeper into Alex, saying "soon". 

They stayed like that, not saying a word to one another, laying on the couch curled up in two shared blankets and watching tv. Until there was a knock at the door, Alex assumed it was the pizza she had ordered, and got up, grabbing her wallet from her jacket and opening the door. 

Surprised, Well maybe surprised was not the right word. Scared or possibly terrified, might work. Terrified, of what would come next. Next, being after Alex opened the door, to see a tired looking Lena Luthor, holding two boxes of pizza. 

"Hi, Alex" Lena said, straightening her posture and giving a small smile. "This pizza is your's but I figured that I would just give it to you myself." Alex just stared, mouth partly open. "Well I didn't know it was your's per say, just that there was pizza being delivered to Kara's apartment and here you are, in Kara's apartment". Alex closed her mouth and took the pizza from Lena, still not saying a word. "Well, um... Speaking of, is Kara here? I haven't seen her in weeks and I figured I would surprise her." Alex quickly responded by stepping out of the doorway and closing the door behind her, stepping into Lena's space causing her to take a step back. 

"Sorry" Alex said, setting the pizza down on the coffee table to her right. "Yes, Kara is in there but...but she's not doing so well." "What? Is she okay, no wonder I haven't heard from her in 5 weeks, what's wrong?" Lena quickly said, clearly worried about Kara. "No, no not like she's sick or anything she's just..." Alex trailed off, not wanting to explain to Lena that Kara was depressed and that somehow she was the reason why. "Just what?" Lena says, unwilling to let Alex get away with no explanation. 

"Lena....I-" and before Alex could continue, the door was swung open by none other than Kara herself, making direct eyecontact with her sister.

Lena gasps at just seeing the blonde, the last four weeks had not been kind to a depressed Kara. She had dark circles under her eyes and she was pale, her body frail and her movements slow. Even though Kara was just naturally more healthy than humans she still had to take care of her self and the fact was, she wasn't. 

"Alex it's okay" Kara said, voice raspy and tired but somehow still reassuring. "Okay, I'm going to get my things and I'll talk to you tomorrow"Alex said trusting her sister's judgement. Kara and Lena stood in silence, Kara not looking at Lena, but instead focusing her eyes down, and around the hallway of her apartment building. Lena, training her eyes over Kara, astounded at how different and downright sick she looked. Lena (not suprisingly) has never seen Kara like this and was worried to the bone. 

Alex walked back out and gave both Kara and Lena a once over and a nod saying. "I love you and I'll see you soon Kar, and um, good to see you Lena." Waving them off as she stepped away between them. "Wait, Alex take a box of pizza for yourself I'm sure your hungry." "Thanks" Alex said back to kara, grabbing a box of pizza and walking away, out of sight. Kara stood there for a bit longer looking at where Alex had just left to before saying to Lena. "I'm sure that you're worried and have questions, I'm- I'm sorry." Lena just stared at Kara not saying a word. "Would you like... to-, to come in?" Kara asked hesitantly, moving aside and holding the door open for Lena. Lena nodded, grabbed the box of pizza and headed inside.

Kara and Lena were sitting silently at Kara's dining table, pizza on the plates in front of them. It was Lena who finally broke the silence, saying. "You're not even eating." Which Lena seemed to think said it all. It, being everything going through her head, and it did, at least it did for Kara. 

"I just haven't been feeling too well lately", "Yeah the last five weeks lately." Lena responded quickly. "Kara why have you been avoiding me, you're clearly not well but I thought you would at least call. I mean you know that I would've been here for you if I had known something was this wrong." Lena says waving her hand, gesturing to Kara. "I- I haven't been...avoiding you, Lena I just... I've been busy with work and time got away from me." Kara said. 

Lena wasn't buying it. "Kara I'm your boss and your best friend you think I don't know what you've been up to at work recently?" Lena asked, clearly heading to continue. Pulling out her phone, clicking something and then laying it on the table so that Kara could see, Lena read; "Kara Danvers, 1 story published in the last 5 weeks and 1 in progress". Kara just stared at Lena's phone, eyes wider than before but her expression the same (tired and distant but still focused). "Kara, I know that something is wrong, you don't have to tell me what that something is, of course I would like for you to but that decision is entirely up to you. Just don't lie to me, don't, tell me that everything's fine and you've just been busy and that thing's will get back to normal soon I don't want us to turn into that Okay. Please?" Lena said, hands outstreched tword Kara on the table. 

Kara eyed Lena's hand before placing hers on top and taking it into her own. "I don't want that either Lena, believe me, I truly don't." Kara told Lena, still looking down and turning over Lena's hand so that her plam was facing up, runing her fingers down the lines there. "So tell me, tell me what's got you like this so we can fix it, together." Lena said, grabbing Kara's hand tightly and trying to find Kara's eyes. "I want to Lena but I can't." Kara said, pulling away from Lena, focus back on her now cold pizza, one bite taken out of it. Lena grabbed her and Kara's plate, putting them back into the box and moving it to the kitchen island. "Why?" Lena said, voice wet with tears, still facing away from Kara, moving a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose and taking a breath followed by a huff. 

"Lena I- please, don't cry, it's nothing like you think I just, I just can't... I'm s-" "KARA DO NOT TELL ME THAT YOU ARE SORRY!" A frustrated Lena yelled, turning around and looking into Kara's eyes only for a second before They shot down away from Lena's and to the floor. Kara crossed her arms and continued looking down. "LOOK AT ME! Kara!" Lena said, throwing her arms up into the air, a tear rolling down her cheek. As if reflex Kara looked directly into Lena's eye's, walked forward and wiped away Lena's tear. "Lena I can't." Kara said standing a mere step away from Lena looking anywhere but at the woman in front of her. 

"I-I can't, do this Kara." Lena said breathless, "I want to be here for you, more than anything but...". "But ?" Kara said only partly wanting to hear what Lena was about to say. "But I can't take it....this, you keeping this thing, whatever it is, from me. It's tearing you apart Kara and you won't even let me help". 

Kara moved away, past Lena, to the door. "Lena, you....you came here for answers and that's what I have to give you I just need some time." Lena scoffed, turning to face Kara. "Some time for what Kara? Your're right I did come here for answers but I don't even know the questions." Lena said moving closer. "You won't tell me-" "I can't." Kara said correcting and cutting Lena off. Her voice was so clearly tired, and frustrated. 

"No. Kara you can, you are perfectly capable of talking to me, you are right now but you won't", Lena responded immideitly. "That's not true Lena it's more complicated than that." "So then explain it to me Kara what is this big secret keeping you from me and why can't you tell me, I don't want to sit here talking in circles you either tell me or you don't and I don't see why you won't just say it!" Lena said in one breath. "BECAUSE IM SELFISH LENA!" Kara yelled. "I can't tell you because that would be yet another selfish thing I've done because of you! All of my actions since I've met you have been selfish!" Kara admitted finally meeting Lena's eyes. 

Lena just stood, confused. Kara continued. "Everything I do is for you Lena, I couldn't even share you with someone. The Thought of you looking at Anyone the way you look at me makes me sick." Kara said pleadingly. "You shouldn't even be here. You-" Kara took a deep, calming breath. "You should be with-with James." Kara stuttered out, scowling at his name and turning away from Lena, tears in her eyes. 

"Kara I-. I didn't know you felt.... I didn't know you felt that way" Lena said, voice guilt ridden and sorry for pushing the confession out of Kara who was now trying to fight back her tears in shame. "How could you. It's my fault for pulling you into... This" Kara said gesturing to herself. 

"No Kara that's not what I-, I want to stay here, with you and, and talk. Not go be with James." Lena told Kara, desperately trying to make her believe it. "Don't say that Lena you should... You should go, I'm...". "What?" Lena asked softly. "I'm sorry but I just can't be there, with you... Anymore, I'm doing more harm than good at this point and now you have- you have somone else, to help you". Kara said with tears In her voice, she then walked into the bathroom, closing the door mindlessly, not realising she didn't actually shut it and sitting on the floor. 

Lena stood in place, taking in all the thing's Kara just said. She quickly snapped out of her trance and gathered her things to leave. She stood at the door, frozen, not wanting to leave but trying to decide what was best for Kara. She heard wimpers clearly trying to be scilenced but failing. They were coming from Kara, who was still in the bathroom. Lena then decided what she was going to do, and she was going to do it for Kara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops! I kindof lied, when I first posted this story to Ao3 I forgot that I was going to be taking a break from Tumblr and i've been telling you to message me on there. I mean if you want to you still could but i'd only be responding sometimes. Instead, you could comment on here. Juuuust a suggestion.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Less angsty Kara and Lena interactions and an absurd amount of fluff in my opinion but I wrote it lol

Lena decided that she was going to stay, for Kara, and really in the long run, for herself. She put her bag down on the kitchen island once again, and walked to the bathroom. She took a breath before pushing the door open, to see a Sobbing Kara on the floor, knees to her chest and head facing the sink, staring into nothingness. 

"Lena?" Kara said sniffing in between a sob. "You-" Kara hiccups "You shou- shouldn't be here I-I don't want you to see me like this please, just go please Lena g-go". Lena is trying to fight back her own tears now, seeing Kara this way and not knowing why was killing her. "No, Kara I'm here, and I'm not leaving you". "No Lena you have to! I don't- I'm gonna hurt you I know I am and- and I can't handel that Lena I can't... Pl-please just go." Kara pleads. "Oh Kara" Lena kneels. "Please, stop pushing me away. I don't know what's got you thinking like this but I'm here with you now and I will not leave. Not now. Not ever". The black haired woman says on the floor next to Kara, wrapping her up into her arms.

"I'm so sorry Lee I'm so so sorry I never- I didn't mean to do this to you, I know you'll hate me I just know it but I'm, I'm so sorry I'm so s-sorry" Kara says sobbing into Lena's chest, grabbing onto her jacket tightly. "No, no no Kara I don't hate you, I love you, you know that." Lena tells the distraught super, running her hands through Kara's hair. "I love you so much, please Lena, please don't leave me I'm so sorry". 

Kara and Lena sit like that for what feels like the next year, but could only have been about three hours due to the light from the windows of Kara's bedroom coming through the still open bathroom door. Kara, sobbing apologies and I love you's into Lena's chest, pleaing for Lena not to leave her. Lena, whispering assurances to each doubt  Kara could think of and voice. Until finally Kara seems to fall asleep, Lena has to check to see if Kara has calmed down and is actually sleeping, which she is. Lena let's out a sigh of relief and rests her head against the bathroom wall closing her eyes, for what she tells herself will only be a second. 

Then she wakes up, in Kara's bed, Jacket and shoes off, warm underneath Kara's blankets which at the moment seem exceptionally heavy to her. She tries to open her eyes but they are sore and burn like hell so she gives up almost instantly. She guesses that she'd been crying more than she thought last night, and makes a point to look for eye drops in Kara's bathroom. As her mind drifts to the thought of Kara's bathroom. She remembers every excruciating detail of last night. The fight her and Kara had in the dining room, The vague confessions Kara gave, the sobs, and pleas for Lena not to leave, that a broken Kara made on the floor of her bathroom. 

Her mind then drifts to Kara herself, and where the blonde might be. She tries to open her eyes again, and she does, but she quickly closes them, partially because of the burning but also because of the fact that everything is blurry. She opts to feel around her and instantly lands on somthing smooth and warm. She immideitly thinks it's Kara. This not being the first time she'd woken up to the same familiar and comforting warmth. 

She's right. Except this time, instead of the usual big spooning position Kara takes on, her head is on Lena's chest, and her arms are wrapped tightly around the ceo's waist. She finally opened her eyes and moves her head so that she's not muzzeled by Kara's hair. She looks at Kara and for the first time in what seems like forever, she looks peaceful. Not bothered by anything she was so worried about last night or the last couple of weeks. Lena decides to go back to sleep and not stir Kara, who previously looked like she had been sleeping her days away but still somehow restless.

When Lena wakes up this time she feels entirely different. For starters, she feels much less warm and the weight she felt berfore (which she now realizes was Kara 'The Rock' Danvers and not the blankets she was under) is gone. She figures that Kara had shifted off of her, but soon dismisses that thought when she opens her eyes, thankful that the burning and soreness are mostly gone. She looks around for the blonde and finds an empty bed. 'Mabye she went to the bathroom or is in the kitchen' she thinks to herself. It's not exactly implausible that the woman would wake from a deep sleep for food, all though she hasn't been eating recently.  
'Maybe she's feeling better after last night', Is Lena's next thought, and this time she decides to stop speculating and get up to search for Kara. 

As she sits up and moves from under the covers to sit at the edge of the bed, she sees a glass of water on the nightstand to the right. She turns back and goes to grab it when she sees a sleeping Kara on the floor. She is faced upwards, her left forearm over her eyes and her right hand on her stomach. Lena wonders, first, how Kara ended up on the floor in the first place, and second, how she got there without Lena noticing. (Kara sleeps like a rock and is somehow heavier than a sumo wrestler). Yet there was not so much as a thud to signal Kara's fall.

Lena puts those thoughts aside, gets out of the bed on the other side and walks around to crouch down on the left side of Kara. She looks much less peaceful than when she was in bed. (Which makes total sense seeing as she was holding onto Lena so tight she had trouble breathing when they were in bed and now she's on the floor). Lena gently placed a hand on Kara's forearm and moved it from over her eyes. Kara stayed completely still but her eyes shot open. "What are you doing on the floor, darling?" Lena asks. "I didn't want to make you uncomfortable." Kara said, refreshingly looking Lena in the eyes. "What do you mean? We lay together all the time, if anything you make me more comfortable". 

Kara looked at Lena, puzzeled for about 30 seconds, in complete silence until she snapped out of her daze. She then looked down to Lena's hand, still on her forearm. She sat up, leaning against the nightstand "Oh, yeah, sorry, I- I didn't realize you-", Kara cut herself off but Lena pulled the rest out of her with a reassuring look. "I didn't realize that you were actually here, that- that you were real." Kara says and something in Lena snaps. It's her patience, she quickly grabs both of Kara's hands and stands. Letting the blonde know that she needs to get up rather than trying to pull her and instead pull a muscle. Kara gets the message and stands before being pulled by a hand to the Kitchen island and sat down on a stool. 

Lena begins rummaging through the cabinets and the refrigerator. Kara gathered that she was about to make them breakfast. The blonde rings her hands and starts. "Um, Lee I all ready made breakfast, I woke up before you and figured you would be Hungry." Kara breaks the news and gestures to the dining table. Lena closes the cabinets and looks at it. "Oh, well let's start then." She says walking over to the table and sitting. A few seconds later Kara sits down too, the same spots they were in last night, but in a completely different mindset. 

They sit in silence, eating their French toast. Until Kara says "I- I gotta tell you, Lena I- I have to". Lena stops her fork, halfway to her mouth, sets it down lightly, and looks at Kara who is looking at her with a blank expression (which Lena can only guess is preparation for some type of rejection). "Kara, you tell me what you need to, when you need to". Lena says and before Kara can start again, she continues. "I will not leave you. Even if I am as mad as you say I will be I can't leave you, it's all ready hard enough to be away from you on an average day but now that you're like this, I know I won't want to, no matter what."   
She says, giving Kara a reassuring look.

That look, one of many, meant so much. It was reserved for Kara and only Kara, not even Sam or James got this look. Reason being, Kara was the first. The first person to make Lena truly happy. sure she'd known Sam for a while and she made her feel ecstatic, and loved but with Kara, (as was everything), it was just different, but good. Warmer and brighter, Kara radiates the type of light that doesn't hurt your eyes, but fills you up with warmth and affection. So, to say the least she was addicted to the woman and what she gave, and she could absolutly, under no circumstances, leave. Ever. Kara smiles, sad and soft, at Lena. And starts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii. So, I hope you enjoyed this chapter even though it's kindof a cliffhanger. Also I'm back on Tumblr so if you want to chat you can find me at @gay-things-and-stuff .


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara talk further. Things get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm still bad at doing the summaries so I didn't want to put too much but trust me, things get better.

Lena won't lie, she's nervous, I mean of course she is this is the moment, the moment that Kara tells her something so treacherous that she wouldn't talk to her for 5 weeks, something that had her, 'Kara _sunny_ Danvers' crying in shambles on her bathroom floor. So yes, Lena is nervous.

 

Kara needs her to understand, that she's perfect, in every way, and that she shouldn't change a thing. That Kara's, _what was it that Lena called it?_ Right, her 'god complex' was what was to blame. Lena was right after all. Kara was being selfish and needed to get Lena, _her light,_ back. So she did _and said_ some thing's that she knew were out of pure greed the moment she said them. She knows she would ramble on forever If she tried to explain the reasoning behind her actions before she admits to them. so she starts.

 

"I love you" is the first thing she says after she tells Lena. Tells her that she was supergirl. "Put the blame on me, Lena" is the second, then she hears a sob. At first she's not sure if it came from her but then she sees Lena's face, ( _which is stone like_ ) as well as feels the tears running down her own cheek and she Knows that she broke down again. "All of it, it was all my fault Lena and I'm so sorry that I put you through this. I understand if you don't want to see me anymore but I need you to know that I love you, Lena Luthor you are my light, my heart and my soul everything I feel, I feel for _you_ ". She said while kneeling down in front of Lena, who was still in her chair at the table.

 

The last word she breathes out is broken, and then she falls apart, _again_. Holding on to Lena's hands tight enough to leave marks. Her head bowed in defeat as she tried to calm herself down. 'Three words' she thinks. 'Three words that made her whole world crumble, and fall right in front of her eye's. Then she feels Lena trying to pull her hands away, and she lets her. When she does, Kara breaks from what little semblance of calm she had in those moments of silence and is roughly sobbing again, still kneeling but slummped over, her hands to her chest. She prepares herself for Lena's departure and when she doesn't feel it, she looks up slowly to Lena's eyes and sees nothing but green devotion.

 

When Lena is sure that Kara is looking at her in the eyes, she grabs her phone off the table where she'd left it the night before. Not breaking eye contact with Kara, which the blonde is _extremely_ thankful for because Lena's eyes are the calm in _any_ storm _._ Lena then says softly into the phone "Siri, call Jess". Kara is confused but doesn't say anything because she feels she doesn't deserve answers at the moment. Lena can guess Kara's confusion even though the alien doesn't show it, and places a hand on Kara's head, lowering it to her lap. When Kara's head is placed there she lets out a sigh and removes her hands from her chest to place them on Lena's knees.

 

  Jess answers and says "Yes Miss Luthor" to which Lena replies, voice more stern than her words to Kara before. "Make sure that L-Corp and Catco. are supervised for the next week and be prepared to extend that time." Three seconds when no sound but Kara's shaky breathing and Jess' typing are heard pass, until the typing stops and Jess starts. "It's done miss Luthor, but may I ask why?" Lena sighs and says, voice soft again, "I'm taking time off from both L-Corp and Catco until further notice to spend time with a loved one".

 

She's looking Kara right in the eyes again and she holds her phone in between her ear and her shoulder as she puts both of her hands into Kara's hair and runs her fingers through it. "Oh, that sounds very nice Miss Luthor. Tell Kara I say hello?" Jess asks and Kara figures it makes sense that Jess knew that said loved one was her because Lena is a workaholic and because her and James' relationship is still new so they don't _love_ eachother yet.... ( _Also because everyone knows that James is both needy about and an enabler to Lena's working and not to brag but Kara is the only person Lena has ever stopped a project for just saying)._ Kara forms a small smile and Lena responds "I believe she heard you, she says hello". Kara nods, then laughs and Lena smilies, bright and releaved. Jess says goodbye, and hangs up.

 

Lena removes one of her hands from Kara's hair much to the blondes dismay, which she expresses by catching Lena's hand before it can reach to grab the phone from her ear and moving it back to her head of blonde locks. Lena smiles and laughs saying "Fine but if my ear drums burst it's on you." Kara moves her head so that her lips are to Lena's palm and places a kiss there, then moves back to her previous position, snuggling into Lena's lap. "Siri, call Alex Danvers" Lena says scratching Kara's scalp slowly. When realization hits Kara that Lena is calling Alex, she looks up, thankfully not too quick because the force of her movements would probably break Lena's wrist. "Why?-" she starts before stopping short as she hears the click and pick up tone coming from Lena's phone, telling Kara that her sister had just answered Lena's call. "Hello Alex," Lena says, not stopping her fingers in Kara's hair as the alien looks up at her.

 

"Hey Lena, um not to be rude but what's wrong?" Alex responds, worried and getting to the point. "There's no problem Alex, thing's are actually rather well, and getting better." Lena pauses, then continues. "You should come over, to Kara's place I mean. There are some things we need to talk about, the three of us." Lena finishes and Alex responds "On my way be there in 5". Alex hangs up and Kara immideitly starts again.

 

"Why do we need talk?" she asks. Lena silently pulls her hands from Kara's hair and pats her shoulders, gesturing for the blonde to get up. They both stand and Kara leans on the table. "If we're going on a vacation we need to handel _both_ of our duties." Kara nods and begins to clean up the table. Lena continues "Also, your sister is worried about you. You need to tell her what we've been up to". "I know but I just wanted to stay in our Karlena bubble a little longer." Kara says, walking into the kitchen with everything from the table but two cups of Orange juice, not noticing how startled Lena was by her choice of words.

 

  "Our what now?" Lena asks. "Hmm?" Kara responds not picking up on the fact that she just referred to both  Lena and herself as one, 'Karlena'. "'Karlena'?" Lena explains further. "Oh, that's just our bubble." Kara says finishing the dishes and walking to Lena who was now standing at the front of the kitchen island and facing the door, "I get that, but we're...... _Karlena_?" Lena asks, making sure she heard the blonde correctly. "Yup, it's just a way to refer to us quicker, instead of saying 'Our Kara and Lena bubble', I can say 'Our Karlena bubble', Get it?" Kara says facing Lena who looked astounded.

 

  "Yeah, I got it" Lena says, putting her hands on Kara's cheeks and pulling her closer. Kara's hands move to Lena's forearms and she pulls their foreheads together. "I missed you so much Kara. _Don't_ say that you're sorry but, even before you stopped talking to me, you had pulled away, and it was clear." Kara closed her eyes and breathed in. "I can't. I can't _not_ be sorry Lena, you're right. It was just too hard for me to be around but not _have_ you." Kara continues huffing out a breath and looking into Lena's eyes. "But again, I guess that was just me being selfish".

 

"Kara do you not see that I want you to be?" Lena says, but before either of them can say another word there's a knocking at the door. "I've got that" Kara says letting go of Lena and walking to open the door. Kara opens the door, saying "Alex, we should talk. Just the two of us first though". Alex nods stepping aside for Kara to walk out of her apartment and close the door behind her. "What do you want to talk about Kara?" Alex asked kindly. "Just, everything I guess. No, I know" Kara said correcting herself, taking a seat in front of Alex who was still standing. "I, I want to start with an apology. I have been distant, and unkind for weeks now and I know that i've worried you. I owe you an explanation and that's what I'm going to give you."

 

  Alex sat across from Kara, arms folded. "Okay, so there's no easy way to say this but um... I kindof told Lena who I am." Alex just looked at Kara, a blank, and utterly unreadable expression on her face. Kara took that as a sign to continue, and so she did. "She accepted me, and she's not mad" Kara smiles weak, and starts to cry. "I was so worried that I'd ruined everything that we had Alex, I was so worried, and I just started to tear things apart, because I don't deserve her. She's so special Alex, and so good and I couldn't help but feel sorry for the people I'm close to for having to deal with someone who could've ruined something, _someone_ so special and so perfect, so I decided to make it so that they didn't have to anymore." 

 

  Kara saw the tears in her sister's eyes, but knew that she needed to continue. "No matter how much I wanted to be with them, it was for their own good, I just figured that I deserved what I went through keeping it that way. And I felt that way until yesterday, when Lena came over. She drilled it into my head that you all were better _with_ me, that _she_ was better. I never stopped to actually see how my 'plan' was working, I just _knew,_ somehow, I knew that me suffering was going to make your lives better. But I guess, I guess I was wrong".

 

Kara sounded like she was so _alone_.  Alex almost started to cry, because she and her sister were always together, _stronger_ together. Kara had always gone to Alex in times of need, always confided in her big sister, and it hurt that that was no longer the role she played in her baby sisters life. But Alex held in the tears she felt sting in her eyes. Kara was finally better, better than she had been for a long time even since _before_ the 'kryptonite incident' with Lena. Her sister hadn't had this light in her eyes since she figured out she wanted to be a reporter and Alex wasn't going to let it fade away again. She was going to do _everything_ in her power to keep that light right there, in her baby sisters eyes where It belonged.

 

"Kara, all that I care about is if you're happy, thats it. You don't have to explain yourself to me but next time let me know how you feel, so I can _help_ , and so I can try to _fix_ it." Kara nods. "Also, don't lie to me, that's not us, that's not how we work. Yeah?" Kara nods again, still looking remorseful, but this time also greatful. "Yeah-yes, yes, Alex, you're right, as always. Listen," Kara puts a finger up, knowing what Alex was going to say. "And I know you probably don't wanna hear it but just," Kara releases a deep breath. "I'm sorry, really, _really_ sorry". "I know you are Kar, I know." Alex says, standing up, arms open to hug her sister. Kara happily falls into Alex and hugs her tightly, saying "I love you Alex". "Now that I wanna hear" Alex says, smiling into the embrace. "I love you too, Kara."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it, as always please comment it's like the best thing ever and if you want to chat further I have a Tumblr, you can find me @gay-things-and-stuff .


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara, Lena, and Alex DON'T talk yet. The plan was to make them talk this chapter, but I was gone for a really long time, and when I started writing again, a bunch of filler fluffy stuff just poured out of me. I know where I'm going in the future though so don't worry. Anyways, this is just a bit more relationship progression for Kara and Lena, plus some Alex and Kara sisterly love. There is a MEMORY sequence IN BOLD. And this is kindof a spoiler for what happens this chapter so stop reading here and move on to the actual story if you don't want it but, Lena realises that Kara loves her at the end of the chapter, Supercorp being in love IS the endgame for this story, BUT, at the moment, that love is PLATONIC. Anyway, I know I ramble and I'm sorry, I'm working on it I promise. I hope you enjoy the chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll give you three guesses on why I'm back. Here's a hint; the answer involves 6,685 words of the fluffiest fluff in all of the multi-verse. No but really. 
> 
> I'M BAAAAAAAAACK. I know most of you probably don't really give a damn but I can't tell you how much it bugged me (for lack of a better word) that I couldn't write, and even though you probably don't care, I can't apologize, and/or say I'm sorry enough. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the chapter. If you want a little more info in what happened, and what is going to happen in the future, I wrote some stuff in the end notes. And you can comment on here, or talk to me about it on Tumblr @gay-things-and-stuff .

When Kara and Alex entered Kara's apartment, Kara looked around for Lena, eager to talk, and go on a trip with the CEO. When she didn't see Lena she felt her heart speed up in her chest. Even though she knew that Lena had to be in the apartment, there was a part of her that doubted all reasonable thought. Kara had previously gotten used to Lena not being around, but suddenly felt as though the events of the early morning and last night were all in her head.

Alex noticed the change in Kara's demeanor (only because Kara had become completely still). She walked to face her sister, saying "Kar, what's up?" Kara was startled out of her thoughts, and looked into Alex's eyes.  
"Nothing I just... Lena." Kara said, and Alex understood. Before their five week falling out, it was clear that Kara and Lena depended on eachother, that it was hard, painful even, for them to be apart. A need for one another had grown between them, and though Kara had neglected that need, the struggle to do so had showed.

Alex nodded, and took Kara's hand, saying "Hey, listen to me. I'm guessing that while you two weren't talking you went half insane, and I already know that you dreamt about her. Based on that terror you had They weren't.... Pleasant," Kara let out a breath and cynical laugh at the way Alex was clearly struggling to find a word to describe what she heard. "Yeah un-pleasant, that's an understatement." She said.

Alex nodded with a small smile, and continued. "I know, but that... that wasn't the only one, was it?" Kara shook her head no. "I always have it, every night, just sometimes... I have other... Less vivid dreams, in between. They're just as scary though." The blonde said with a another cynical chuckle.

"You missed her, I mean that was obvious, but. You missed her all the way up until last night, and then you got her back. Right now, though.... It doesn't feel real, does it?" Alex said, showing that she understood.

"It's always been hard... To be without her. But then I was for so long, I just got used to it I guess... The pain. Then she came back and... I just- for a second... For a second I thought that last night, this morning, that it was all a dream. Yet another dream with yet another painful ending." Kara sighed, crossing her arms over her chest.

She looked up at the ceiling in thought, but then back into Alex's understanding eyes. "There's the one where she dies in my arms, because of me, (the one you heard). And then the infinite number of one's where she comes back to me, where we make up. But then I blink, I take my eyes off her only for a second, and she disappears." Kara admitted.

Alex looked down from Kara's resigned gaze. She could cut a chunk of thick emotion out of the air if she wanted to. Kara then noticed that she had gone from crying tears of relief and hugging her sister, to reliving one of, if not the worst, parts of her life. She cringed at the bluntness of her words, and the weight they held. "Sorry- I'm sorry. That, that was too much. I- Sorry." She rushed out.

Alex looked back to her sister and gave her a stern, truthful look, saying "No, Kara don't ever apologize for opening up to me. It wasn't too much, at all, and it will never be." Kara smiled, and nodded. "Thank you." She said to her older sister. "No need Kara, really. You have no idea how glad I am that we're back to this, you opening up to me." Alex smiled, which made Kara's small one even wider.

"I- I'm glad too." Kara said. "That said, I need you to understand, Kara. That that period of your life, no matter how short, hurt all of us, but especially you, and everyone gets that. You need to know that it's okay to not be okay, and that we want to- that we will be there for you." Alex said, making both her, and her sister tear up. Kara nodded, not trusting her no doubt watery voice.

She hugged her sister tight, and said "I'm gonna go get Lena, we'll be right out." Alex nodded, and went to sit down at the dining table. Kara figured that Lena was in the bathroom. She went into her room and knocked on the door. She heard a quiet come in, and smiled, then opened the door. Lena was looking at Kara as soon as the door opened, and after a few seconds, began to smile.

Kara was confused as to why, although it's not like she minded. She was about to voice her thoughts, but Lena beat her to it "What's got you smiling?" The CEO asked, and Kara understood. Lena was smiling because Kara was smiling. Kara answered Lena's question, with a simple, but one-hundred percent truthful answer. "You." She said. Lena smiled wider, and looked down, suddenly timid.

Kara always did that to her, all the blonde had to do was say her name and Lena would fall apart. She looked back up at Kara, who was smiling impossibly wider, flashed another small one of her own, and went back to what she was doing before Kara entered.

Lena had just opened the bottle and was ready to put however many drops were nesscisary to dull the sting under her eyelids when suddenly the bottle was out of her hand with a breeze and a "Lena no, don't use those!" Lena was very confused as she looked at the culprit, asking why. "Wha- Kara, why, what's wrong with them?" Kara looked at the bottle and then back to Lena. "Well for one they are way past expired. Honestly I don't even know why I still have these." Kara says to herself more than Lena.

  Seeing that Lena was still confused, Kara tried to explain "These were made for me. Specifically, for me". She said, and could see that Lena now understood. "How long have they been in there?" Lena asks. "About... Just under two years....." Kara answers, but trails off. Lena instantly knows that there's something Kara's not telling her, so she crosses her arms, and looks directly at the blonde, saying "Just under two years ago, and?" Kara squirms under Lena's questioning look, but gives up her silence, sighing in defeat. "Well these were for when I solar flared... When Lillian..... Well, you know."

  And Lena did know. Just under two years ago when Lillian, when her mother, kidnapped Kara, forced her to solar flare or have Mon-El shot, then used her blood to break into Superman's base of operations, and try to unleash a virus that would kill all alien life on earth except for Kara and her cousin. "Right, when my mother interrogated you about our relationship, then proceeded to threaten your boyfriend and torture you. Now I see why you hesitated." Lena says with a cynical chuckle. "Hey," Kara says moving closer "I'm sorry. It's okay, I'm okay." Lena nods.

  Putting the drops into her pocket, rather than into the trash, planning to give them to Alex to dispose of. Kara takes Lena into her arms for a warm embrace. "Everything's fine now Lena. I'm here, with you. We're okay, aren't we?" Lena waits, breaths in deeply, letting out a long sigh through her nose, and nods again.

"Hey, listen if you're not up to it we don't have to talk with Alex today, we can wait, go on vacation another time." Kara says, pulling out of the hug to look Lena in the eye. Lena shakes her head "No, No I- I want to- need, to go on vacation, with you." Kara smiles, small and caring. "You're sure?" She asks, wanting Lena to be honest. "Positive" Lena says with a smile mirroring Kara's. Kara looks into her eyes for a second before pulling Lena back into a hug.

Lena takes another deep breath, loving how Kara fully envelops every one of her senses when they hug. She feels the blondes warmth, her arms tight around her (arms which make so much more sense to Lena now that she knows Kara's super secret), and her smell, one which Lena missed dearly for the treacherous five weeks they were apart.

Kara sighs, saying "Come on, Alex is waiting." The blonde speaks as though she's taking action, though she makes no effort to let go of Lena, or even just loosen the tight hold she has on the CEO. Lena chuckles at the blondes unknowing contradiction of her own words, but makes no movements herself.

Lena decides that she would be the one to break the embrace. She tries to pull back, only to have Kara tighten her hold, and pull Lena closer. "Kara, darling you do realize that you actually have to let go for us to move, right?" She says. Kara shakes her head "Well... You know that's actually not entirely true." Lena moves her head off of the blondes chest to look her in the eye (an action that Kara doesn't reciprocate). At the blondes antics, Lena raises an eyebrow and says, "Are you implying that you could fly us into the living room Ms. Danvers?"

Still looking away Kara flashes a mischievous smile, saying "I think I just might be Ms. Luthor." As she speaks, she hovers a few inches off the ground and Lena places her head back onto Kara's chest, letting out a laugh, one that Kara herself can feel.

"This is highly un-nesscisary." Lena says. Kara laughs, hovering just a bit higher and inching slightly backwards. "I couldn't disagree more. I don't want to let you go, and I am perfectly capable of moving us without doing so. Therefore, you and I, fly to Alex, and then maybe I let you go to sit down.... Maybe." She says in a completely serious tone.

Lena lets out a playfully exaggerated sigh, saying "You know, I'm sensing that there's really no point in talking about this, so...." She teasingly drags out the syllable. Kara moves her head back to look into Lena's eyes "So?" She says with a knowing smile. Lena scoffs and smirks, looking down for a moment, then up into Kara's eyes. "So you'd better move quick."

Kara's cocky smile turns into a full-blown grin of joy, as she lifts Lena up a bit to secure her hold, and flys into the Kitchen. She lands behind the island, and places Lena down gently, still not letting go. Alex looks up from her phone and smiles at the two of them, though neither of them notice. They're too focused on eachother, both staring devotedly into eachothers eyes.

Kara smiles "Was that so bad?" She asks the CEO. Lena smiles "I never said it would be bad, just a bit un-nesscisary." Kara's smile turns into a smirk "Just a bit? I recall you saying something like 'highly'." Lena fakes. Curiousity "Really? Huh, I don't remember that." Kara shakes her head "Oh yeah I'm sure you don't."

"Really though.... I'm glad you didn't let go." Lena says, looking down, and Kara smiles "You know I hate to say I told you so, but." Lena scoffs "Oh well that is just a blatant lie and you know it." They both laugh and Kara lets out a sigh. She gives Lena one more tight squeeze, before letting go and looking to Alex.

"Did you find her?" The older Danvers says sarcastically, making Lena turn with a dark blush and causing Kara to fidget. "Oh relax I'm just messing with you. It's good to see you Lena." She stands and puts her phone into her pocket. "You too Alex." Lena says.

"So, I actually just got a text from Brainy, I've gotta get to the Deo, but, you two wanted to talk, so make it quick." Kara nods. "Well I just wanted to clear the air between us...." Kara trails off and looks back at Lena, causing a smile to grow on the blondes face. "And also let you know that Lena and I are going away for a while." Alex nodded, ignoring the buzz coming from her phone.

"You should answer it Alex, it's fine." Kara assured her sister. Alex nodded and put up a finger, mouthing 'one second' as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and answered it. When Alex was out the door, Kara turned to face Lena again. When she saw the contemplating expression of the CEO's face she walked to her, grabbing her wrists.

"Lena? What's wrong?" Kara asked, and Lena shook her head, not making eye contact. "Hey, look at me, Lena. Don't do that. I know there's something, just tell me. Please?" Lena looked into Kara's eyes, and sighed "Really Kara it's nothing, I'm- I was just a little worried is all. No big deal." She smiled and grabbed Kara's arms, giving them a squeeze of assurance.

At first she thought that it had worked, and then a crinkle grew between Kara's eyebrows. Lena opened her mouth to talk, but as soon as she went to speak, Kara had begun. "No big deal." She said. Lena was confused "Really? I thought you'd... Well, never-" She was cut off when Kara moved out of the grasp she had on her arms, and grabbed her hand, leading her to Kara's bedroom.

"Lena, we're not doing this. Tell me what's wrong or I'll- I'll..." Lena smirked at Kara's attempt to show authority. It's not that she wasn't intimidating, but the crinkle was still there, it really just made her look like an angry puppy, and Lena couldn't help but Laugh. "What's so funny?" Kara asked, and her curiosity caused the crinkle to form even stronger.

Lena snorted and covered her mouth with her hand, to try and keep from laughing. "Lena. Len- Lena!" Kara tried to get Lena's attention, but her attempts only caused CEO to laugh harder. Lena bent over, holding her srtomach, and laughing uncontrollably.

Kara sighed, and said "I guess I have no choice." She crouched down, and grabbed Lena by the waist, taking the CEO by surprise. Lena gasped, which only put a temporary stop to her laughter. She began to laugh again as the blonde held her easily in the air. She grabbed two fistfulls of Kara's shirt trying to catch her breath as her laughing died down.

"Oh- whew. My god, Kara is this what you do to every person you get annoyed with? You know you'd really ought to figure out a better way to express yourself-ahh!" Lena was startled as Kara turned with Lena in hand and began to pace back and forth. "Nope, just you. But it does seem to be working fine for me so far." Lena chuckled. Thankfully not laughing as she was before, her stomach was sore from the exertion.

"Okay, I'll stop laughing if you stop pacing around and put me down." Lena tried to negotiate. The blonde only stopped pacing, still not putting Lena down. Kara was holding Lena as if they were ice skaters, or ballerinas, as if Lena held no weight. (which makes complete sense seeing as Kara has super strength).

  "Oh that's not why you're up here. I love it when you laugh, all though I will admit I was, and still am very confused about what you were laughing for." Kara said casually. Lena started to chuckle again just thinking about the crinkle on Kara's face, and how much the blonde looked like a puppy. "Well then why am I over your shoulder Kara? Or is this just a casual resting position for you?"

Kara shook her head, saying "You know, you have really bad memory when it comes to certain things Lena."  
Lena sighed "No, only when it comes to you. Besides you try laughing hysterically for what feels like ten minutes and then being lifted over someones shoulder." She justified her apparent memory loss.

"Nah, I'm pretty comfortable on this side of things. But anyway, I mean I asked you what was wrong, and you deflected." At Kara's words, Lena readjusted herself on the blondes shoulder, letting go of her shirt, and grabbing into Kara's shoulders. "Right. That, well put me down and we'll talk about it."

Kara hummed skeptically "How do I know you won't just start laughing like a maniac, or deflect again?" Kara asked. "Well, you don't, but you and I both know that you could pick me up all over again if you wanted to." Lena said. "Good point." Kara replied, turning to face her bed, crouching, and setting Lena down. "Wow, I do have to say I'm really not a fan of zero-G." Lena said jokingly.

"How could you not be a fan of zero-G? You know one day I'm going to take you flying." Kara said, sitting down beside the CEO. Lena scoffed "And who said I wanted to go flying?". "I did." Kara said in a stern tone, causing Lena to chuckle again. Except this time was different. Kara was Less angry puppy, and more authoritative guard dog.

"Either way, that's a conversation for another day. Are you going to tell me what's bothering you now?" Kara asked, and Lena looked away. "Kara-" Lena started, but as soon as she spoke Kara was on her knees, arms around Lena's waist. "Oh- okay, okay! I get your point. Kara, I'll tell you!" She rushed out, in fear of being picked up again.

"Mhmm. Tell me and then I'll let go." Kara said, not loosening her grip on the CEO. "Really? You're going to stay down there the entire time?" Lena asked. "Yup. It's really no different than any other time I lay my head on your lap. It's pretty comfy." Kara says, and Lena shook her head in disbelief. "Now come on. Get to talking." The blonde hero urged.

Lena shook her head again and looked away. She sighed. "This is really bugging you isn't it?" Kara asked. She could see how bothered Lena was by whatever it was she wasn't saying. "I guess so." Lena says, looking down at Kara's head hovering over her lap. "I'm sorry Kara I just don't. I don't know..." Lena trailed off.

Kara took Lena's struggle into consideration, for a second she thought that maybe it was something personal, and she shouldn't push. But she knew that she wouldn't be able to get this off of her mind unless she tried to help, so she took the lead "You said you were worried, in the kitchen. You mind telling me what about? We can start there." Kara offered. Lena nodded, and swallowed, "No, no I don't mind. I was just worried... about us."  She said.

  Kara let go of Lena then, and moved to look her In the eye. "About us? Lena what could you be worried about I thought we were on the same page with everything? Unless there's something you haven't told me?" Kara said, worried that Lena held back what she thought in their earlier discussions. "No. No Kara It's nothing like that." Lena quickly explained.

Kara sat back on her heels and took Lena's wringed hands from her lap. She gave them a tight squeez, making the CEO look her in the eye. "Lena, I want you to be honest with me. I want you to tell me any, and every insecurity you have about us. You know that you can don't you?" She asked.

"Yes. I do." Lena answered. "Then tell me what's got you so worried Lena, please. You know that I care about you. I want everything from you, the good thoughts, and the bad, all of it. Everything running through that big, beautiful mind of yours." The blonde urged.

Lena breathed in deep, and thought for what felt like an eternity, about what it was she should say. She knew she had to tell the truth, voice her worries, but she didn't know how to word them.

"I... I don't want anything to change Kara. Us. We're perfect, I just got you back. I've opened up to you more than anyone in my life, believe me. But there are still things, parts of me, that no one has seen. Parts that I hide from even myself. I just worry that when we go away, they'll come out, it is so hard to hold back around you, for so many reasons."

"I mean just right now is a perfect example of one. You push when you know something is wrong. You've never let me hide from you. Don't misunderstand though, it's one of the things I love about you. You do it because you care. But another reason, would be because I don't want to."

"You don't have to." Kara said, with a crinkle in her brow. "Lena I don't know how many ways I have to prove it to you (and I won't stop until do). But I'm here for you, always will be. I hate to break it to you but I'm not ever going to leave. And you're right, I'm not ever going to let you hide from me either." She told Lena, still holding the CEO's hands in her own.

Lena shook her head, holding back tears. "Why won't you believe me when I tell you that I'm here?" The hero asked, and with no response she continued. "And why would you ever, hide parts of yourself from me?" Kara waited for an answer, but never got one. "Lena." She said.

"Because they scare me, Kara. No one wants me, you're the exception to that. And they definitely don't want the parts that even I can't bear to look at. I don't want you to keep thinking that I'm something I'm not, because when you see who I am and what I hide. You'll leave, and that... That would hurt too much." Lena let out in one breath, tears finally falling. She pulled a hand from Kara's grasp to wipe them away.

"Lena...." Kara started, but found it hard to continue. At the moment, she didn't have the words to reassure the insecure woman in front of her. She thought, trying to find the words to express to Lena what she felt. But right now she was shooting blanks.

Then she realized, right now, she was shooting blanks, but there was something she had once told Lena, when she was in a situation close to the of current. Something that would always be true.

**It was a day Lena always dreaded, one she had always tried to burn from her memory. She would drown herself in a mixture alcohol, and work to try and wait out the day. It was the anniversary of Lionel Luthor's death. An annual event that seemed to- No, most certainly, got worse and worse with each passing year, and not to her surprise it was especially terrible this year. Her mother had just been outed as the leader of Cadmus, broken out of prison, and she had just found out that she was actually a Luthor, not just by law, but by blood.**

**Lena had finally gone home, at ten thirty (which would normally be considered leaving early in her book) but she just couldn't focus on work no matter how hard she tried. So, she would have to settle for drowning her sorrows the old fashion way, in wine. She had taken off her heels, coat, and makeup. Changed into more comfortable clothes and had just poured herself a glass of wine and settled onto the couch when she heard a knock at the door.**

**She knew exactly who it was, and exactly why they were there. It was Kara, and she was there for a movie night, (which was rarley held at Lena's place). She had planned out this day, a week in advance. She didn't realize that it would fall on this day. Which was not surprising, because it had to do with Kara, and Lena's brain always seemed to turn to mush when the blonde, puppy of a reporter was involved. She placed down her glass of wine, and stood, grabbing the bottle she had planned to drink most.... Okay all of off of her coffee table. She put the bottle on the counter in the kitchen, took a breath, and went to open the door.**

**As soon as the door opened, she saw a very happy Kara, standing with a takeout bag in hand. "Lena! I missed you. I know we saw eachother yesterday but still." The blonde said.**  
**Lena didn't have to force a smile, the blonde always cheered her up, and maybe Kara could be her distraction instead of a bottle of wine..... Okay two bottles of wine but the point still stands. "Hi Kara, come in."**

**As soon as Lena spoke she regretted it. She hadn't spoken much the entire day, but where her day lacked in verbal communication, it flourished in silent tears. When Lena spoke her voice was raw, and watery. It was a dead giveaway of what the majority of her day consisted of.**

**Her voice cracked, and dipped, and by the time she was finished speaking, the smiling blonde in front of her had turned into a concerned one. Her lips which previously held a bright smile had now formed a deep frown. "Lena, what's wrong?" The blonde asked. Lena looked down, and swallowed, trying not to make eye contact with the blonde, because she knew that if She got even an ounce of pitty from Kara, she would fall apart.**

**"Oh it's nothing Kara, I think I'm just coming down with something is all. Nothing to worry about, please come in, I'm sure you'd like to eat." Kara looked skeptically at the CEO who was still averting eye contact, but decided that it wasn't her place to pry, and that if Lena wanted to talk about it, she would. "You know me well." The blonde said with a small smile returning, and stepped inside.**

**"If I'm being completely honest, I actually forgot that we had this planned for today." Lena said as The movie Kara had chosen started up. "Really, you should have told me before, we could have rescheduled." The blonde said as she finished off her eighth potsticker. "Oh it's not a problem. I've just had alot on my mind today, I'm glad you're here though." As she finished speaking, she could sense the blonde beside her's contemplation. She was waiting for Kara to say something, but she never spoke.**

**Thirty minutes later, and Lena could feel eyes on her, she turned her head to the blonde gazing at her, and asked "Kara, is something wrong?" Kara seemed to realize just then that she was staring, and quickly looked away, adjusting her glasses. "No, sorry I- I just... Do you want to talk about it?" She asked, and Lena immideitly looked away. This was the pity she was hoping she wouldn't get earlier. She wouldn't survive it, so she opted to look away and hope that Kara left it alone.**

**She didn't. "It's just, you seem.... Different, today. And you said that you had a lot on your mind and.... I just want you to know, that I'm here for you if you ever want to talk. Or even If you just want some company, I'm here." The blonde said, and Lena knew that she wouldn't last until the end of the movie. "Thank you. Excuse me I need to-" Lena said as she stood and rushed to the bathroom. Her voice was even more unstable than before, and she was crying before she even reached the door.**

**Kara was worried, Lena had been in the bathroom for more than three minutes, and she was no doubt crying. She didn't know what to do, weather or not she should leave, or pause the movie and wait for Lena to come out. Both of those were the wrong answer, and she couldn't bring herself to do either even if they were. Especially after she heard a particularly loud sob that Lena had failed to swallow with the others. So Kara took action, she stood, not pausing the movie, and walked to the bathroom.**

**She knocked on the door, calling for Lena once. She got no reply, and Lena continued to sob. "I- I can't do this Lena. I'm- I'm coming in." She opened the door and saw Lena, sitting on the toilet seat, face buried in her hands, crying. "Oh Lena." Kara said as she rushed over to the CEO, who continued to sob. Kara grabbed tissue and tried to hand it to the woman in shambles before her, but Lena's hands were occupied with her head.**

**She got on her knees in front of Lena, and placed the tissue down beside her. "Y- you can l-leave." Were the first words Lena spoke. Kara was confused "What? Why would I leave?" She asked. "You- you said that you c- couldn't-" Lena said as if it was obvious. "No, Lena. I meant that**  
**I couldn't sit out there and do nothing, while I knew that you were in here.... not okay." The blonde explained.**

**Lena said nothing, and continued to sob. Kara gently grabbed Lena's wrists, and pulled, slowly. Lena's face was a deep red, tears littering her cheeks. Kara intertwined their fingers, and pressed her forehead against the Lena's. The CEO's eyes were squeezed shut, and Kara could feel the throbing of her forehead on her own.**  
  
**"Open your eyes." Kara said. Lena only continued to sob "Look at me Lena." She said.  She could tell that Lena was trying to do as told, but she was struggling, for whatever reason.**

**"Lena, please open your eyes.... I- I want to see them. They always calm me down, the way they change colors. Sometimes they're crystal blue, almost see through really, but othertimes they're a dark, emerald green." Kara really didn't know where her words were taking her, but she could tell that Lena's breathing was evening out, so she continued.**

**"They're my favorite color you know. For the longest time it used to be blue, because that was Alex's, but then I met you. I still remember the color they were the first time I ever saw them, they were so beautiful I could never describe it. Still can't actually." Kara didn't blink even once as she spoke, she wanted to catch the exact moment Lena's eyes opened. "So... So please, open Your eyes, for me. Let me see my favorite color."**

**Lena took a deep breath, and opened her eyes. They were that same dark emerald green that Kara had said they sometimes were, but this time there were bright red veins all around the vibrant emerald color there. Still though, Kara smiled "There they are." She said. Lena's eyes bore deep into her own. "My favorite color. Thank you." She said.**

**"Now that they're open, and you're looking at me. I want you to listen to me when I say this Lena, because I mean every word. I will never, ever leave you, Lena Luthor. Not ever, I don't care if you're bawling your eyes out, or happy as can be. I will be right there by your side. No matter what. Do you understand." Kara declared, and waited for an answer. Lena only nodded. "Lena. I need you, to tell me that you understand." Kara said. She saw, and felt the nod Lena gave, (their fingers still intertwined, and foreheads still pressed together). But she wanted Lena to say it.**

**Lena took another breath, and closed her eyes (only for a moment). "Yes..... I understand." She said, her voice wet with tears. "Good." Kara said as she let go of one of Lena's hands, and grabbed the tissue she'd sat beside her. Instead of handing it to Lena though, she wiped away the woman's tears on her own. "Thank you." Lena said. "You're welcome, Lena."**  
  
**They sat there, in the bathroom, hands, and foreheads together for a while longer, until Lena's breathing evened out completely. Kara stood, wanting to get Lena a glass of water. When she pulled away though, Lena's head quickly shot up in her direction, and the CEO reached out to grab her wrist. "Wait! w- where.... Are you going to- .....Please, don't Leave... Not yet." Lena quietly pleaded.**

**Kara quickly turned around, grabbing both of Lena's hands and pulling her to stand up. "I thought you said that you understood." Kara said, not letting go of the CEO's hands. Lena was confused "Wha-" she was about to ask, but Kara already knew her question "What did I tell you Lena?" The blonde said.**

**Her tone was stern, but gentle. "I don't... I don't know" Lena said. "Yes you do Lena. Think about it. What did I say to you?" Kara asked again, and waited for Lena to put the pieces together.**  
  
**Lena was still confused, but she was trying to figure out what Kara could mean. She kept repeating the question in her head 'what did I tell you Lena?' 'What did I say to you?' Then it clicked, she remembered what Kara had said to her.**

**'Listen to me when I say this Lena, because I mean every word. I will never, ever leave you, Lena Luthor.'  That's what Kara told her. That she would never leave.**

**"You.... You said that you'll never leave me." Lena said, embarrassed at her neediness. "Exactly. See I knew you would remember. I told you that I will never leave you and that will always be true. So never forget it."**

Kara smiled, kind and gentle, still on her knees, in front of Lena. The CEO was still crying, but she had closed her eyes. It was something Lena always did when she got nervous, or scared. She would wring her hands, and close her eyes. It was an understandable thing to do, she didn't want to see anything around her, the expression of people who could be watching her, the place she was in. Kara defenitly understood the feeling, but she wouldn't allow Lena to feel it around her.  
  
"Lena. Do you remember..... Do you remember when I told you what my favorite color is?" Kara asked the CEO.  
She saw the confusion spread across Lena's face, and then the realization. "Do you?" She asked again, and Lena nodded. "Well that's good. I'm glad you do, cause i've got a favor to ask you."  
Kara said, she was still smiling, that warm, gentle smile. Prepared for when Lena opened her eyes.

"So the other day I was thinking, about my favorite color, and I just couldn't get it out of my head, every time I closed my eyes, it was there." Kara said and she gave Lena's hands a squeez to let her know that she wasn't just rambling. "I know why that kept happening though, it was because I hadn't seen it in a while, I was forcing myself to stay away from it. But I just love that color so much, it seemed impossible."  
   
Kara sighed "And it was, last night I just gave up. I couldn't take it anymore. And after not seeing it for so long, i can't imagine not looking at it all the time. Anyways, the favor I wanted to ask. I was just wondering... If you could... Could you show me. Could you show me my favorite color? Please?" Kara asked. Just like before, she never blinked, not even once.

Lena waited for a moment, then nodded, and breathed in. And then she opened her eyes. Kara chuckled. "Rao. Every time they just... take my breath away." She said, Lena looked down again, all of a sudden feeling bashful. Before her head could fall all the way down, Kara caught Lena's chin with her index finger. "Just a second longer please. I was being serious you know, it's hard to look away." She said.

Kara moved her hands to carass Lena's cheeks, and wiped away the woman's tears with her thumbs. "Thank you." She said, but didn't move her hands off of Lena's cheeks, or look away, and neither did Lena. "Like I said Lena. You really have very bad memory when it comes to certain things." Kara told the CEO, who looked confused at the blondes words.

"What do you mean? I remembered your favorite color." Lena finally spoke, and though she was no longer crying her voice was still broken. Kara was expecting a response, but hearing Lena this way still sent a wave of bad feelings through her. She steeled herself though, and took a breath. She shook her head and spoke.

"What did I tell you Lena?" She asked.  
Lena didn't even look confused, she understood right away what Kara was referring to. "Oh." Lena said, she didn't think that Kara herself even remembered saying those words to her. "Oh what?" Kara asked. "You... you know what." Lena said.

"Yes. You're right, I do know what, but you don't seem to. So I need you to tell me." Kara said. Lena grabbed Kara's forearms, and tried to pull away and stand. Lena stood, but Kara stood with her, not letting go of the CEO's face. "Tell me." Kara said again, this time she wasn't asking. "I know Kara, I remember." Lena said to the blonde.

Kara moved her hands back to Lena's, she grabbed them, and put her forehead against Lena's, still looking into her eyes "Lena, Say it." Kara said. Lena swallowed "Why?" She asked. "Because you have the memory of a goldfish, and because I want to hear you say it." Lena shook her head "No, not..... That's not what I'm asking." She said.

Kara looked at her in disbelief "What do you mean why Lena? I have explained this to you so many times before, now I need you to say it back to me, tell me what, and tell me why. This is your job now." She told the CEO. Lena closed her eyes, preparing to do what was being asked of her, or really more what she was being told to do.

"You told me-" She started but was cut off "No. Not like that I want you to say it to me." Kara corrected. Lena nodded and started again "You- you're never going to leave me." She said eyes still closed. "Why?" Kara asked. "I don't- That's what I was asking you." Lena said looking back into Kara's eyes. "Yes you do Lena, you're a genius just think about it for a second." Kara said as if it was obvious why she was so devoted to the CEO.

Lena looked down, moving her forehead off of Kara's. She saw her hands being held by Kara on both sides. She let out a frustrated breath. "I- you.... You're never going to leave me... Because...." Lena kept trying to think of why. She couldn't think of anything. Not money, not fame or a high ranking at CatCo. There was really no reason why Kara was still there for her.

There was no explanation. Whatever Kara's reason was had to be exceptionally stupid. Superhero or not Lena's bad news, literally. For what reason would someone put themselves through this much, what could make someone..... "Oh..." Lena said. She finally understood. "Oh." Kara mocked, with a smile. She moved her head so that Lena was looking into her eye's again.

"You...." Lena said, trying to wrap her head around how this could be possible. "I....." Kara spoke again dragging out the syllable, still smiling. "You really are a genius then. I'm glad you understand now Lena, but I still need you to say it." Lena blinked, and smiled "You'll never leave me. Not ever, because you love me."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sooooooo sorry it took me so long to get this out. I just got a bad case of writers block. When I first started to post this story, I was ahead of the game, I already had four chapters done so there was no other writing nesscisary until I reached five. But when I did reach five, I didn't realize how creatively draining having such a strict writing, and posting schedule would be, and there were consequences. But to make sure that that doesn't happen again, at least not for a while, I'm gonna have to make my posting schedule alot more fluid. Instead of every thursday, it'll likely be once every other week, whenever I have stuff to post, now I know that's not ideal, but if I force myself to write, I'll run out of steam, and have another writers block in my way. Anyways, I'm glad to be back and as always, please comment, even if it's just to yell at me for being gone for so long. You can also chat with me on Tumblr @gay-things-and-stuff .I love attention if you couldn't tell.

**Author's Note:**

> As of now, I will try to post every other week (a week being Monday to Friday) You can chat with me on Tumblr @gay-things-and-stuff if you'd like.


End file.
